My female aspect is angry. She's terse, sardonic. She smiles rarely, and when she does it's usually a shit eating grin. She's brusque, rude and ruthless. She's damaged and dangerous, and has little regard for others or herself.
Physically she has a fighter's body. She's often scarred, literally or figuratively. She keeps her hair long and neat. She speaks in a resonant alto. Resting bitch face doesn't even begin to describe it.
But she's also strong. She's dedicated and loyal. She will endure any trial and overcome any obstacle in the name of those she cares about. She's relentless and brave, even through fear.
I draw on her for strength. She helps me see the humor in things.
Let's do something fun. Let's talk about the two parts of me.
My male aspect is charming. He's persuasive and articulate. He's self assured and independent. He listens and thinks and outwits, and he brings out the best in people. He always tries to do what's right, even when he doesn't know what that is.
Physically he's lithe. His hair is a mess. He speaks in a smooth tenor.
But he's also conniving. He's flighty and sometimes airheaded. He can get caught up in fantasies and lose track of practical matters. He's occasionally self centered and not above lying to get his way.
In my day to day life I have most need of, most resemble him.
I play a female character in our long running Fate campaign. This would be more mysterious if Maya weren't about as far from conventionally feminine as you can get (I like to think she's female because she looked down at her parts and never felt the need to question it)
But a fun detail my DM (and boyfriend) added was after having a reverse blood transfusion, she woke up to find the sketchy doctor had also taken a part of her liver. But no worries, he'd given her a serum to promote regeneration. And Maya's face started to itch as her facial hair began to grow in at an accelerated rate.
And it made me really happy.
Having hard doubts this morning. Don't know what it's like to be happy with myself. Don't know if self satisfaction as a nonbinary person is possible. Don't know my final form. Don't know if there is one. Don't know if it's worth chasing.
Feels like I've pushed past all the obstacles, and stand at a precipice, all by myself.
I found myself occasionally thinking “I can't spend the rest of my life being called she/her” and it tips the scales towards hormones in my mind. But it makes me feel guilty, having to transition for what strangers think of me.
But then I remember there's a future I can imagine where I want people to call me she/her.
I found myself occasionally thinking “I can't spend the rest of my life being called she/her” and it tips the scales towards hormones in my mind. But it makes me feel guilty, having to transition for what strangers think of me.
But then I remember there's a future I can imagine where I want people to call me she/her.
I found myself occasionally thinking “I can't spend the rest of my life being called she/her” and it tips the scales towards hormones in my mind. But it makes me feel guilty, having to transition for what strangers think of me.
But then I remember there's a future I can imagine where I want people to call me she/her.
Y'all. Got called sir for the first time since my haircut.