I did it! I used my words to communicate to a hairdresser that I wanted a male haircut and not the standard fade/pomp that's in style and I got something that I really like.
It took a few days to get used to. I was a little unhappy with it at first (I think it was a tad too short) but now I think it's great. Can't wait to go back.
Gonna dump a bunch of updates from the past week or so as if I were making them realtime.
Now for your regularly scheduled gender shitposting
I get weird #bodyGlads from the gold chain on my astronaut necklace. I don't really understand it. Something about the way it sits on my shirt neckline maybe reminds me of gold chains on dudes' jesus necklaces? Except it's a astronaut, lols.
It's certainty in an the choice to be none of the above.
One of the nice things to come out of the mostly awful conversation was that at least I understand why I keep thinking I should just be male instead of nonbinary.
Saying I'm male is absolute in a way that saying nonbinary is not. There is room for doubt in both but so much more in nonbinary. And I wanted to say male to minimize that doubt—-that vulnerability.
To tell my parents the truth about being nonbinary instead of the easier lie of saying male took trust and vulnerability. And they used that to make me doubt myself, to shore up their own fear of change. To convince themselves that what I want isn't real.
So the good thing to come out of this is now I understand where that urge to say male instead of nonbinary comes from. And when I feel that panic of people not taking me seriously I know it comes from my parents and not necessarily everyone.
#bodySads is when
I am a creature of righteous anger,
But society dismisses my fury as overreaction and hysteria.
But it will not save their bones from being ground to dust.
In more detail,
My dad really doesn't want me to transition. He's afraid or hesitant or something. It's obvious to me but not to him. But rather than be honest about his doubts and talk to me about them, he tried to convince me that transitioning and being nonbinary isn't what I wanted. He insisted that he was fine when I told him it was going to be hard on him. Because that's what he thinks that is all you have to do to love someone.
But instead he hurt me and he doesn't understand why.
And I don't know if he'll ever care enough to find out on his own. I can only do so much to explain to him. And it's already more work than I want to do.
Stay tuned for next episode when my mom gets the letter. Teaser, I thought my dad was going to be the easier of the two.
Parents got letter. Conversation was shit.
Tldr: Coming out doesn't fix problems. Just becomes a new form for old failures.
I've never felt so robbed as when I learned that estrogen stunts bone growth.
I'm not a woman. I managed to learn how to be a girl, but I can't bare to learn to be a woman.
So I can't grow up because I have nothing to grow into.